The Children We Raised
by InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: Sam Dean and Caleb have a conversation after John's death about fathers, mourning and heroes. Brotherhood AU by Ridley.


The Children We Raised

Caleb watched through the window of Bobby's kitchen as Dean put a tire iron through the window of the Impala, his first instinct was to run out and stop him, but when he saw Sam walk into the house he decided one Winchester having a mental breakdown was enough for the moment.

"I'm gonna guess that didn't go well…"

"Guess not, he didn't really say anything to me…" Sam answered grabbing a beer from the fridge, and passing one to Caleb.

"Well he seems to be saying plenty now." Dean had smashed the trunk and was now standing in the yard with his back to the house, breathing heavily. "So how you doing kid?"

"I'm not the one smashing the shit out of a car I love more then sex." Caleb chuckled.

"Yeah well, that ain't your style, you are more quiet and broody then Dean, doesn't mean you didn't just lose your Dad too." Sam frowned.

"I know I did… but things are different for me then Dean."

"What do you mean?"

"Dean still has this picture in his head of who Dad was before mom died. He remembers this guy who he played catch with and took him to school. All I remember is what Dad turned into, by the time I was old enough to know my Dad, he was already hardened into this angry, borderline alcoholic hunter. I'm not saying I don't miss him, and I am sorry for fighting with him all my life, but…. Me and Dean are mourning two very different fathers."

Caleb couldn't deny anything Sam said, even Caleb himself remembered John playing football with him and Dean when they were younger, but those moments dwindled by the time Sam was of school age, Sam had never known that version of John, and Caleb had never really thought about that before. It made him kind of nauseous to realize that he himself knew that version of John, when his youngest son didn't.

"You're Dad was a good man Sammy." He didn't know what else to say to the kid.

"I know that Caleb, but it doesn't change what I just said…"

"I am sorry he wasn't a better father to you." Sam kind of smirked, as if he was sharing a private joke with himself.

"It's okay, I didn't really need one." Sam and Caleb turned when they heard the door slam shut. Dean ignored Caleb and zeroed in on Sam.

"Why the hell are you still here Sam?" Dean asked. Sam flinched and took a step back.

"Excuse me?"

"Dad's gone, the Colt's gone, we have no way to kill this son of a bitch, there is no reason for you to stay, why the hell are you still here?"

"Because I'm not going to leave you alone…"

"You left before! Do not stick around now just because you feel bad, I don't need your pity."

"I've never pitied you, you idiot."

"Why are you still here?" Dean asked again.

"Because we have a job to do, and I intend to do it."

"Why? We had a job to do five years ago, and you left then, you ran off to Stanford the first chance you got, you left me then." Sam whispered something under his breath. "What did you say?" Sam met Dean's eyes.

"You never asked me to stay." Sam said again. Caleb felt a lump for in the back of his throat. This has been hanging over the brothers for a long time, and it all came down to something so simple.

"What?" Dean said. Sam laughed sadly.

"God Dean, you showed up at my apartment, after two years, and I went with you to go find a father who wanted nothing to do with me. You really think I could have left back then, if you had of asked me to stay?"

"You knew I wanted you to stay Sammy, hell Dad begged you to stay."

"Dad told me if I left not to come back, that isn't that same thing. Dad gave me an ultimatum and, I really wanted to go so I grabbed onto that and took off… I wanted out Dean so I ignored that feeling in my gut that told me you wanted me to stay, if that makes me selfish so be it."

"We all asked you to come back Sam…" Caleb said. Sam turned to Caleb, and gave him a cold stare. "God, I begged you to, or to at least call us and let us know you were alright."

"Look Caleb, I respect you, and we are family, but I didn't give two shits what you said about any of it, I didn't care about Macs, Jims, or my Dads opinion on it… I wasn't going to come back for any of you…" Caleb thought he should be offended, but something in the way Sam said that made Caleb's heart swell.

"So what, you won't come home for any of your family, but you will come home for me?" Dean said.

"I came back when you were lost in New Mexico on that hunt, I came when you were in the hospital in California, and I came with you when you showed up at my apartment because you asked me to. I will always be there when you need me, and I will always come when you call… God, I don't know what more you want from me that will prove that to you." Both brothers had watery eyes and even Caleb was having difficulty keeping his tears in check.

"I'm not asking you to stay this time…" Dean whispered. Caleb sighed.

"Dean…" Caleb started but Sam cut him off.

"I'm not leaving you here alone… and if that pisses you off, or makes you want to punch me so be it. You can try to push me away all you want Dean, but I am not taking off on you." Sam slid past the other two men and went outside, he needed a minute to pull himself together. Dean and Caleb stood in silence for a minute, and Dean slid into a seat at the kitchen table. Caleb eventually made his way across the kitchen so he could sit across from his friend.

"Are you okay Deuce?" Caleb asked. Dean sighed and looked up at Caleb.

"I didn't ask him to stay back then, because I knew he wanted out." Dean said.

"Yeah… I know you are selfless like that."

"Am I? Because I am pretty sure if he actually decided to leave now, I would beg him to stay…"

"Yeah well, things are different now… he is all you got left, and you want to know something? I am pretty sure he is staying because he needs you just as much as you need him." Dean shook his head and stared at his hands.

"He doesn't need me, he has been on his own, I never have, and he doesn't even seem to be that upset our Dad is dead." Caleb looked at his friend and remembers the smirk Sam had on his face earlier and suddenly understood what it had meant.

"You know Deuce, earlier Sam said something to me, that made me think about how different John became over the years. He said that you two were mourning different fathers. You remember your Dad from when you Mom was alive, and you worship the man, Sam remembers his father being a drill sergeant and a hunter."

"So what? Your saying Sam is a mourning a terrible father and I am mourning someone who died in that nursery with my mother?" Dean snarled.

"Not at all. I'm saying you are mourning the man who raised you, Sam is mourning the man who taught him how to survive."

"Dad raised Sam the best he could."

"No kiddo, you raised Sam, and he knows it." Dean's eyes widened. "He loved your Dad Deuce, but John was your hero, you are his." Dean looked away but a small smile made its way across his face.

"I think I owe my little brother an apology." Dean walked out of the kitchen and into the yard, and sat down beside Sam on the hood of the wrecked Impala.

"Don't worry kid." Caleb said to the empty room. "It is really easy to forgive the man who raised you."


End file.
